-By- Dulanji Nanayakkara
What really constitutes as happiness in the mindset of human kind?
The problem is, most of us view happiness as something nebulous and hard to capture. How hard we try, we come to the ground zero once again. That is; seeking happiness through someone else.
To be frank it’s “a common” to all of us. We run after the ones we consider as our “loved ones” seeking for constant attention, belongingness, security, care and devotion; and most of all, a partner with the same mindset as yours.
We all have tried desperately to cling on to someone, yet failing pathetically when the one you care for the most is not ready to succumb to your needs or thoughts completely.
This gap between what we desire and what we really attain is the sole reason why none of us are truly completely content with our lives; which in worse case could lead to acute depression.
It is with my own life story that I got the inclination to pen these words down.
Being a poet at heart, I always ran after the people whom I considered could give meaning to my life. I was clingy, possessive and most of all had the strange desire to own them. There was a point where I became hysterical over love.
It took me years and years of failed attempts to find happiness until I came to the realization that none of these matter to become totally at peace with yourself.
Being the youngest in the family, I was brought up in an environment engulfed in love, constant attention and care. I was raised in a way where I got everything I wanted in a bat of my lashes, which of course might have melted everyone’s hearts, and made them never say “no” to anything I craved for.
Time passed by, and when I just reached my 20s, I expected the same treatment (though not on the base of materialism) from the men and women who adored me.
Not to hide the fact that I had spent my time with my circle of boyfriends (though very few in the list), fallen in love, hurt my feelings over nonsensical innuendos during that time (only to realize they were nonsensical, with the passing of time. And what a laugh I would have reminiscing over them now).
However, I was never ever completely happy over any of these relationships, or connections I had with other people; which ultimately made me do my own research to find out whether if it could be the same with the majority as well.
Stepping back from my life story, I would like to point out the major facts which would lead to a traumatic situation in your life if you happen to seek happiness in the form or sense I have mentioned above. Which is, seeking happiness through someone else.
As the buddhist preaching state, “You would only lose what you cling to”.
The harder we try to encircle ourselves with people, in order to find contentment, the harder it would be for us to let go once we get emotionally attached to them. Which ultimately creates sorrow, when the ones we considered so dear to us let us down in a matter of days, months or years.
How could we know that another person could be so generous towards us? Could another person, (let it be your friends, siblings, lover, fiance, husband or wife), make time for you in order to keep you alive, bouncing and gleeful all day long?
The answer is a clear “No“!!
As I said above, it took me quite a while to see through this mirage of a life. (Being human, I still fail to totally let go, despite the urge to try to put sense into another.) Yet, I’m managing to set my mind into doing what it takes to attain true form of happiness.
Forget about thinking of the days to come. Forget about thinking on what’s in store for you in the future. Live the moment, live the day…
PAINT YOUR OWN DAY…
To accomplish great things, we must first dream, then visualize, then plan, believe in yourself and act!
Everyone has the power to live each day exactly the way they want to. We all have the same 24 hours to work with. It’s up to you to decide how to fill up those minutes.
As long as you are occupied with what you love the most, you would not have time to think about who will be there to cheer you up, who would dedicate their time to be with you in order to make you complete.
YOU ARE COMPLETE BY YOUR OWN.
You came alone to this world so why would you need some other person to “charge” your life, just like a “phone charger” charges up the phone everytime the device is down.
PUT YOURSELF ABOVE EVERYTHING ELSE.
Love yourself first and everything else would fall in line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in the world. The ones you call the “love of your life” CANNOT ever, remember, EVER love you the way you could love yourself.
It’s time that you put yourself first and become selfish. While it’s admirable to help others, don’t forget to show yourself some love.
We live in an era where love is temporary and could decay in a matter of time. So why waste time pondering on what could be?
What will be, will always be.
Let it be a cheating heart, break-ups or anything down that line.
But… if you have a solid ground under your feet to stand on, without losing your balance, you’d never feel lonesome. Let those who could betray you betray you, let those uncaring ones drift away, let the hopeless flings bury in the dark.
We were born alone. We would die alone. Make peace with yourself. Make yourself your most ardent lover. And most of all, never lose your purpose in life over a cause that’s not worth the fight…
Love thyself. Let go. Be your own hero.